The Happyish Homestead

Thursday, May 22, 2014

I Hope We’re Still Friends After You Meet My Children

We have these friends.

The kind of friends that when you stop by on a Saturday evening to drop off a cookie cutter, invite you to stay for dinner.

Which, of course, we did.

I was all settled down to dinner when I received an urgent message.

Via Adeline.

From Bryce.

Voiced in an alarming way.

A whisper.

“Dad needs you.”

“Did he split his pants?”

{Why did I think that was funny to say out loud?}

“I don’t know, but he really needs you up stairs.”

I pawned off Bennett and headed up the stairs.

Where I found:

Spencer - half naked.

Bryce - grumbling under his breath.

Dirty underwear on the floor.

A stench that you wouldn’t believe.

And poo spread pretty much from here to Timbuktu.

Which is a big deal.

But even worse:

The bathroom is white.

Top to bottom.

Marble bathtub.

Bleached white rugs.

White commode, toilet paper, counter top, flooring, walls and door.

Now all haphazardly, but fairly thoroughly, smeared with Spencer’s attempt to wipe his bum after a bout with the runs

……and I had used the rest of the wipies from my bag minutes before hand, had not a spare pair of underwear or a lone diaper.

The bathroom received a once {that’s a lie, it was like two or three times} over with wetted toilet paper - maybe a whole roll’s worth?

{Toilet paper and Bounty paper towels are not even in the same category for this kind of emergency.}

Did I mention Spencer had also managed to clog the toilet?

I don’t even know anymore….

So Bryce worked on that.

I put Spencer’s shorts back on him wrong side out.

{How the outside of his shorts were soiled while the inside remained unblemished is a secret Spencer will take to his grave.}

Plastered on a smile, and walked back to dinner, praying that the poo smell, some way, some how, magically evaporated on its own.

This is the kind of embarrassment only realized by parents.

Oh children.



  1. I'm sorry to tell you, I'm over here laughing my bum off. It's only been two days since we were shampooing carpet with a friend's cleaner for the same reason. Hurray for poop...

  2. Okay I needed a laugh, thanks!

  3. Oh the joys of parenthood...good thing there is no place to resign...I'm sure each of us would have at some point. Seems like they pick the best of times for tricks like these too. Don't are not alone. I do miss having little kids around but after reading your post, maybe not as much as I thought. :)

  4. Oh crap! That is funny but not funny!! So thankful nothing like that ever happened to us but we've had some other embarrassing moments with our children that I'd rather not think about! Fun times eh? Hahaha!!

  5. hehehe....we have SO been there. Luckily, we are usually at a family members house. I will say our little man has had to wear girls clothes on several occasions before because of this. But he didn't seem to mind. You'd think we'd learn.

  6. i remember one time when you were like a month old and Grandma was dressed and already for church, she took you into the bathroom to change your diaper before leaving and you squirted yellow poo all over her, the counter, the wall, and the carpet in the bathroom. needless to say we were late for church.


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