(I couldn't get the actual random.org thing to come over to my blog...you'll just have to trust me.)
Some tell-all Facebook posts:
- Well, that was disturbing....just finished sweeping the floors.
- Fortunately, Spencer doesn't seem any worse for wear after Meg snuck him a blueberry....
- Observation: spilling spaghetti sauce all over the kitchen floor due to inappropriate Tupperware protocol will make you want to say words you are led to believe only sailors use.
- Something that I just said and hope to never say again: "Adeline, get out of the chicken coop....
- Feeling optimistic about the day....never mind....just heard the girls wake up
- Thinking of joining a nudist colony...I'm working under the assumption that there would be way less laundry....
- I just saw the most disgusting thing on TV...an infomercial for a meatloaf pan....complete with pictures of meatloaf....it made me throw up a little.
- To all of you obnoxiously, happy people that love Mondays....please stop posting.
- I went to confirm, and it's true. A bird flew into our massive window and now lays dead in the grass. I secretly hope it's the %^*& woodpecker that's been systematically making holes in our house.
- Some days I secretly wish that I was the babysitter and that I'm just waiting for the parents to get here so I can go home.
- Dear Bryce, Please be advised there is a massive dead rat in our basement. I wish you all the luck in taking care of that when you get home, while I shut myself in my bedroom, refusing to witness it.
- Note to anyone interested, do not, I repeat DO NOT Google "pictures of maggots", nightmares....
- Question: how much chocolate is too much chocolate to eat in one sitting...?
- To the zipper on my favorite carpi's...please stop embarrassing me.
- Next time I decide to do family pictures, I'm not inviting the family.
- Just thought I'd throw it out there...does anyone want to supervise my children while I finish my book...?
- Will be accepting "Save the Children" donations...
- Some of you reading this will think Why? Why is she posting something like this? My answer: if I can help one person, just one, it is worth it. A burp cloth and band-aids are NOT a good substitute for a diaper.
- I burnt myself with the curling iron, people. And even if it was something else, and I'm not saying it is, it's perfectly legal since I'm married.
- Congratulations are in order....I just cleaned my oven for the first time. Who buys an oven that's not self cleaning anyway? Stop the madness.
- Married, white, female seeking long term relationship with sanity. Must be willing to commit (until Adeline moves out of the house) and like children. Should enjoy two long busy seasons and dysfunctional family. MUST show up every two years for potty training. Send all inquiries...please.
- LOST: Patience....Last seen - sometime before busy season and potty training. It's a small amount so keep your eyes open for it. If you can't find it but happen to have some chocolate, that's fine too. Please contact me. FOUND - some sticky spots on my kitchen floor. If they are yours, come and get them, I'll be holding them for you. They're certainly not mine!
- I looked it up....apparently today is not National-Husbands-Take-Their-Kids-To-Work-Day-So-Their-Wives-Don't-Cause-The-Kids-Permanent-Bodily-Harm Day. Maybe tomorrow.