The Happyish Homestead

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Marriage Ref

Have you seen the show? I think it's an amusing, valid idea. I thought Bryce and I should give it a try. The key to success is people weighing in with their comments. I don't know how we'll decide who wins, it will probably be Bryce, he usually wins at everything. Maybe I'll have my mom decide, I'm sure she'll be unbiased even though I'm her favorite.
The Topic: the mattress

Katie: I firmly believe that I should have exactly half of the top side of the mattress. It's not my fault that Bryce has broader shoulders. I should not be penalized for my size. I'm an equal partner in the marriage, I should have an equal part of the sleeping arrangements.

Bryce Here. My wife, being a social work major in college, should know that equality does not boil down to a 50/50 split. My wife would agree that people who make more money should have to pay more in taxes. Why is that, one may ask? She would give you a discussion on disposable income and how less affluent people are required to spend more money on the necessities of life. While this blog post is not a discuss on our current tax system, I find the similarities between the financial needs of any individual and sleeping needs of an individual to be closely aligned.

My wife is a slight women. I am not a slight man. My wife's needs are different than my needs. Am I expected to live on the same amount of food as my wife, so we can keep it a 50/50 split? Should I have the same amount of fabric for clothing as my wife? It would be like a 7:1 ratio. While I am sure it is nice for an individual to be able to eat a 5 course meal, I would think that providing food for the hunger would be more important.

In addition, while I am sure it is nice to sleep every night in excess comfort, I would think people just getting a good nights sleep would be more important. I will admit, that I often joke with my wife that my half of the bed is the top half and hers is the bottom half, but that joke has not made one difference to her staunch determination that she should get 50 percent of the mattress. My brothers and sisters, let us rise up against the beast, who would repress us in food and sleep. Let us fight for what is true and right. Let our voices be heard that equality of sleep is not a generic 50/50 split, but a study of basic human needs. While I know that my wife does not listen to me, she will be swayed by public opinion. I know she is your friend, daughter or sister, but fairness and equality should not be based on one's relations. Thank you for your support. Please know that you, by posting your support, can make a difference.

Katie: Why in the world I thought it would be 'fun' to engage in a public debate with one, Bryce Bell, is beyond me.

New tactic: I should get more of the mattress because I use the mattress, in general, more often. It's like the parable of the talents. Did the one man who had one talent receive more talents when he failed to use the one talent he had? No he did not. Does the man who has half of the mattress get more mattress when he fails to use the one half he does have often? No he does not. Taxes come and go, but God, and the Bible for that matter, are unchanging.

Bryce: Heresy. While some individuals may think that sleeping is a talent, I would contend that it is not. Sleep is an essential part of a healthy life. One Katie Bell, has admitted that she gets more sleep than her husband. Knowing that said husband gets less sleep, wouldn't it be more important that his sleep be better, more restful. Just because he is only blessed with three talents of sleeping time and not five talents of sleeping time, doesn't mean he should not get a good nights sleep. While Katie may try to mix doctrine with philosophy, I remain firm in trying to achieve equality. Thank you.

Katie: Do not be lulled into a false sense of security by Bryce's use of large words that I had to help him spell.

Bryce: That is just a cheap attack and she is trying to lose sight of the topic. I am tired because I don't get as much sleep and it isn't as good, so I will be going to bed at 9 pm, just so I can function at work tomorrow. All I want to do is provide for my family.

Katie: Blah, blah, blah. Please do not interrupt me again. Bryce was just trying to bully me out of my turn to refute, just like he tries to bully me out of my share of the mattress. Back to the food analogy...Bryce eating more food does not infringe on my right for food. His right to more mattress would infringe on my right to an equal share in the mattress. And isn't this what the whole debate is about, my rights, as a stay-at-home-mom, and a woman of this country? Let us stand together for the rights and the amount of mattress that are ours.

Thank you.
Side note: After the typing of this post, the debate continued in earnest for about 17.5 more minutes.


  1. My solution, Katie a twin bed, Bryce a queen bed, or you could share a king bed. When you are asleep who knows who has more bed? The discussion will never go away, I have a tall husband, i'm not so tall. I sleep at the bottom of the bed, he takes up the whole length of the bed, he likes the covers up around his shoulders, but when I'm at the bottom of the bed, with the covers around my shoulders, he has none. He thinks I should sleep at the top of the bed, I try, but when I wake up I'm at the bottom of the bed again. Oh well!

  2. I get half of the mattress here. However, with our current baby in the bed situation, I really get only the outside edge, as Adam is a bed hog and would sleep sideways if he could!

    My solution, when there is no baby involved, is to sleep sideways myself. Then I get my full measure of the bed. Oh, and a king size bed.

  3. While I agree with some of Bryce's rationalities...I still find myself looking to the middle of the headboard (where it is more clear where the middle of the bed is) to make sure Mike has not crossed over to "my" side of the bed and that I am getting my full half. And you better believe if he has crossed that line, that I am pushing him back over.

    Simple answer, get a bigger bed.

  4. If you're too cheap to buy a headboard and/or too dumb to know how to make one for yourself out of doors (yes, this is autobiographical) then you won't be quite sure where the halfway mark is. Maybe you need to take down your headboard...

    Fortunately for my husband I hug the edge of the bed so he can use more, though I'm pretty sure it's because I would get "accidentally" elbowed in the head if I slept closer. (I've dodged a lot of elbows in my day.)

    My other response is to go with Rachel's idea and just go all Lucy and Ricky and have separate beds.

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  6. Let me start by saying Michael and I would have paid money to see this "discussion" live. Please call us next time!

    I've conferred with my economic consultant (aka Michael) and he and I both agree. Economic theory suggests that at times there may not be enough resources to satisfy demand, requiring changes to "make a bigger pie" so each party can enjoy the resources they need for optimum production.

    This theory, I firmly believe, was suggested by a man who had this exact same argument with his significant other.

    Based on our own experience and proven economic theory we have two suggestions. One: share the same half of the mattress... Two: three words - king sized mattress.

  7. Not a lot of conclusive support for either side. You have very diplomatic friends. In the situation where the options are either A or B and there is no C, I choose A.

  8. Ben says: "Sorry Bryce, 50/50. If you got a divorce, the bed would be split 50/50."

  9. I say buy a king sized bed! Then maybe you can split the bed 50/50, but the bed will be larger! You could try cuddling with him and invade his space a bit, then maybe he'll understand :)

  10. Ben is right- LAW says 50/50! However- Katie I see an excellent opportunity for you here! I am not a marriage counselor, but I think this might be the slam bang solution!! Bryce should be given the opportunity to upgrade his 50%! Here's how: A back rub = 1(of your hand)hand lengths over to your side, a 10 min foot rub = 1 & 1/2 hand lengths more mattress, a sink full of dishes = half a hand and so on! Kinda like a point system!! Then Bryce if you only get 50% it is your fault!! :0)

  11. Okay, I will solve all problems. KING!!!! Kelly decided that we needed to upgrade to a King and now we actually feel like we sleep on different planets. Sometimes I have to reach over and touch him with my toe to make sure he is still there :) It would be worth the $$$ to get a king. A well rested man/woman= excellent marriage :)

  12. you guys should find other things to do than sleep in your bed and your argument would be over. Find something more worthwhile to debate I think I feel asleep in my chair during this one. (He! He!)

  13. I agree with Katie! I end up having a little far edge of the bed while Chris gets to sprawl out! I must say, I do like that Chris goes to work so early b/c I get the bed to myself, and I sleep great!

  14. Of course the woman is right! :) I think you should both win and get a California King. Problem solved.


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