The Happyish Homestead

Monday, May 23, 2011

A Series of Letters: Part IV (four)

Dear Toilets:

If you want to be clean in the near future, you may just have to do it yourselves.

Dear Neighbor-Across-The-Street-With-A-Steady-Stream-Of-UPS-And-FedEx-Trucks,

I'm sorry that I thought you were dealing drugs instead of running an on-line store of sympathy baskets and baby gifts, but the idea of living near drug lords is a bit more exciting....

Dear Meg,

It is almost impossible to put together a post while you are awake.

You also send mixed messages when you throw all of your blankets onto the floor soon after I put them on you and then the next day, when I get smart (let's pretend I'm always smart, shall we?) and decide to just leave them on the floor rather than cover you, you climb out of your crib and haul all three blankets, plus the pillow, back into your crib and cover yourself up.

Dear Bryce,

I cannot be held responsible for what happens to your tooth brush if you leave it out.

Dear American Idol,

I only suffer through you while I'm waiting for So You Think You Can Dance to start.

Dear Friends on Facebook,

If you were really my 'friends' you wouldn't be so annoyingly optimistic on Monday mornings.

Dear Whoever-Is-Inviting-Us-To-Come-Visit-Over-Memorial-Day-Weekend,

Thank you, and we accept.

Dear Painting-Bryce-Bought-At-A-Gallery-Auction-On-A-Cruise-Because-He-Thought-I-Said-I-Liked-You, But-I-Don't, It-Was-The-Print-BEFORE-You-I-Liked....Not-You,

It's not me, it's you.

Dear Adeline,

I look forward to the time when you are a teenager and I have to go wake you up at 8am rather than you waking me up at 6am.

Dear Hair,

You're in desperate need of a cut, please advise.

Dear Disney,

Making Barbies that sing with just the press of a button and that have no volume control is pretty close to the worst.idea.ever.

Dear Barbies,

Please keep yourselves modest, we have a boy in the house now.

Dear Person-Whose-Bid-Was-$3000-More-Than-A-Competitor,

That's horrible business.

Dear Spring in Medford,

We are NOT friends.



  1. :0 I'm not sure what this really stands for, but pretend it is me laughing. out loud.

  2. Dear Katie,
    You are more than welcome to come over for memorial day. You know you miss A-town.

    Also, I do comment on your blog, pretty much every time. Except before I can post it, someone comes along and hits the keyboard/pees on the floor/hits someone and calls them a poo and my lovely comment is lost.

  3. Thanks for the laugh.. on Tuesday Morning!


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