The Happyish Homestead

Monday, June 13, 2011

If You Read My (Junk) Mail...

you would know:

  • that I am sexy

  • Asian

  • over the age of 50

  • male

  • who needs a bra

  • has a bathroom in desperate need of a remodel

  • I love to eat

  • I wear both contacts and glasses

  • I am single

  • therefore I am also looking for other singles

  • I buy a lot of prescription drugs

  • I have the worst credit known to mankind

  • I'm fat

  • I am in the market for a psychic

  • I hold an unknown job for which I need business cards

  • I am always looking for a great deal on airline and cruise tickets

  • I'm paranoid and need to purchase a spy camera ASAP

  • Because I am fat I need cholesterol medicine, plus size clothing, and help with my dating life

  • I may or may not be looking for a job in the medical billing industry

  • I'm clueless when it comes to computers

  • I have a lot of friends from Africa

  • I constantly desire the latest in footwear, specifically Birkenstocks

  • I'm a Christian

  • I was recently in a car accident and need a lawyer

  • I need to purchase an engagement ring at a huge discount for when I meet that special someone

  • I'm also contemplating the idea of going back to school, if I can get my credit in order


What about you?


  1. -We shop for car insurance everyday at every company.

    -I'm into Reiki massage (non touch, healing from the spirits)

    -We own a lot of credit cards

    -We shop at Office Max and Trader Joes once a week because we like 5% off flyers.

    -We're registered to vote.

    Guess we don't get as much junk as you!

  2. Speaking of mail... I miss our former mailman who apparently disappeared off the face of the earth or maybe retired or maybe was a spy and got carted off by the CIA.

    Regardless he was a great mailman even though he drove on the sidewalk so he could reach the mailbox without getting out of the mail truck. The reason we liked him was because he only put mail in our box that was actually to a member of our family. Since his disappearanc we've been getting not only our own junk mail (we also shop for insurance daily and need a new dentist apparently), but now we get junk mail for all the people who ever might have lived here or maybe didn't even live here. The last odd piece of mail was sent to someone on a completely different STREET but somehow I guess the new mailman figured I also have a burning desire to deliver mail and wants to get me started.

    Apparently the veteran's and other groups who want our old stuff also knew months ago that our garage sale would be kind of a bust and wanted to help us realize we should have just donated it to them in the first place...

  3. Apparently I should have just made my own blog entry about mail instead of forcing all your readers to read my blog entry in your comments section... My apologies...

  4. HIL-AR-IOUS! Need any Viagra? Because apparently I am an older male looking for a little bit of help. :)

  5. I also need Viagra, to help me pursue single Asian women. I would have lots of money to buy the Viagra with, if only I would send a money order to claim my inheritance from a long lost African relative. If it doesn't work out, I can get lots of Oxycontin or any other drug from online Canadian pharmacies, CHE@P!!!!!!.


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